The holidays aren’t easy for everyone. Common sources of holiday stress include financial pressure, finding the “perfect” gift, missing family or loved ones, navigating family dynamics and possible conflict, and managing an overwhelming to-do list.

So, how can you navigate the holiday hustle and keep your calm? The key lies in understanding how your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are all connected. When you notice these patterns and respond to them intentionally, using some of the strategies below, you can reduce stress in the moment and make the season feel more manageable.

Recognize Your Stress Triggers

Imagine a situation that triggers stress for you during the holidays, like going shopping for gifts. Now, let’s see how your mind and body could react.

• Thoughts: You might think, “I’m not going to get the right gift for my child. I feel like a terrible parent.”
• Feelings/Physical Sensations: These thoughts can lead to feelings of stress, tension, and nervousness. You might feel a knot in your stomach or a racing heart.
• Behaviors: To manage these feelings, you might avoid shopping until the last minute or get distracted by other things. While this gives you temporary relief, it often triggers new unhelpful thoughts like, “My child is going to hate me” which just perpetuates the cycle. 

This example illustrates how a common holiday trigger like gift shopping can spark a chain reaction of uncomfortable thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. The good news is that you can break this cycle. It starts by taking a purposeful pause to recognize what is contributing to your stress; both what is happening around you and what is happening inside you. Notice your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors and how they are contributing to one another. 

Get Unstuck from Unhelpful Thoughts

During the holidays, your mind can be  particularly busy. You may notice upsetting or self-defeating thoughts, such as “Everything has to be perfect,” “I’m ruining the holiday,” or “Everyone else is handling this better than me.” It’s important to remember that thoughts are not facts. 

When you notice and name a thought like, “I’m a terrible parent” you can respond by trying these tips:

• Notice and Name It: Take a deliberate pause to recognize what is happening in your mind. Simply label what you are experiencing without judgment, for example: “I am noticing a self-critical thought right now,” or “This is a worry thought.”
• Unhook From It: Once you’ve noticed the thought, use a strategy to get some distance from it so you don’t get tangled up in it. A simple tool is to add the phrase, “I’m having the thought that…” to what you are thinking. Instead of “I’m a terrible parent,” tell yourself, “I’m having the thought that I’m a terrible parent.” This small shift reminds you that the thought is just a mental event, not a truth you have to act on.

Focus on the Present

Once you have stepped back from the thought, guide your attention back to the here and now. Use your senses to anchor yourself by noticing things you see, hear, or feel in the present moment. This helps you engage with the world around you rather than getting caught up in the thoughts in your head.

Fill Your “Piggy Bank” of Well-being

Think of your well-being like a piggy bank. Some things drain the coins from your bank, like last-minute shopping for your family! Other things fill it up. A great way to manage holiday stress is to make a list of activities that put coins in your bank. Remember that these are highly individualized and look different for everyone; the goal is to find specific things that make you feel good, calm, and centered.

Let’s split these activities into three categories:

• Before Holiday Activities: Get your day started right. Try some exercise, listen to calming music, or take a few minutes of quiet time to clear your head.
• During Holiday Activities: When you’re in the middle of an event, you can still add to your bank. Step away for a few minutes to take a bathroom break, talk to a specific person who makes you feel good, or take some slow breaths.
• After Holiday Activities: Once the event is over, wind down. Try a warm bath, watch a favorite holiday movie, or debrief with a friend about how it went.

By doing these small, intentional things, you can keep replenishing your well-being “piggy bank,”  which helps you handle stress better.

Have a Skill or Strategy Ready to Go

When feelings of stress or anxiety hit, it helps to have a quick tool to use to help you allow emotions without getting overwhelmed.

• 4-7-8 Breathing: This is a simple breathing exercise you can do anywhere. Breathe in slowly through your nose for 4 seconds, hold your breath for 7 seconds, and then breathe out slowly through your mouth for 8 seconds. This pattern can quickly calm your nervous system.
•  Use a Mantra: When your mind starts to spin, a simple, grounding phrase can help steady you. Try repeating a short statement to yourself like, “I am doing my best,” “This is hard, and I can handle it,” or “This feeling will pass.” These reminders help you pause, validate what you are feeling, and keep moving forward.

Wrapping it Up

The holidays are rarely picture-perfect, and that is ok. By using these strategies to notice, name, and respond flexibly in moments of stress, you can start focusing on what matters most to you. Whether it’s connecting with family or simply getting through the season with a little more peace, remember that you have the tools to handle the hustle. Be kind to yourself, celebrate the small wins, and focus on what brings you meaning this season.