DON’T overplan, but don’t wing it either.

Too much structure can overwhelm. But no structure at all? That’s also a fast track to high-anxiety moments. When you over-plan every minute, you’re adding pressure to an already vulnerable child. Travel naturally brings changes in routine, new places, and sometimes less sleep – all things that can heighten anxiety. A packed schedule, with constant rushing, can lead to increased stress and make it difficult for your child to adapt and regulate their emotions. It feels like a relentless series of demands, leaving no room for them to simply be or process their new surroundings.

On the other hand, a complete lack of a plan can send a child with anxiety into “anxiety town.” Kids with anxiety thrive on predictability. Not knowing what’s coming next can trigger a cascade of “what ifs,” causing their minds to race and making them feel unsteady. This uncertainty can turn a relaxing trip into a prolonged period of anxious anticipation.

The sweet spot is a loose plan. Provide enough structure so your child knows generally what to expect, but leave plenty of room for flexibility. This gives some predictability while also allowing for the inevitable surprises of travel.

DO allow for downtime.

Vacation should have space to rest, not just physically, but emotionally. Kids with anxiety need time to regulate and reset. This means creating opportunities for them to decompress in a familiar way. For example, watching a favorite movie together as a family on the couch can be incredibly beneficial. This kind of shared, low-key activity provides a sense of connection and predictability, allowing your child to relax and recharge their emotional batteries. It’s a chance to just be without the pressure of new experiences or a busy schedule, helping them feel anchored and secure even in an unfamiliar environment.

DON’T expect anxiety to vanish just because you’re on vacation.

Ah, the vacation fantasy: fresh air, hotel pools, and zero chores magically zapping away all worries. We’d love to believe anxiety packs its bags and takes its own vacation, but spoiler alert: it doesn’t. In fact, for many kids, anxiety might actually crank up a notch or two on vacation. Think about it: new beds, weird smells, unpredictable schedules, and crowds of strangers. It’s a perfect recipe for a worry-fest.

Instead of hoping for a miracle, cope ahead! Before you even hit the road, chat with your child about what might feel tricky. Long car rides? Funny-smelling hotel rooms? That giant, potentially scary mascot at the theme park? Talk through how you can help them in those moments. This isn’t just a pep talk; it’s a game plan. Because, trust me, your child’s worries may follow them, even to Alaska, even to the base of a glacier (ask me how I know).

DO validate your child’s feelings.

Validating your child’s feelings means letting them know that you see how they feel and that their feelings make sense to you. Their fears may not seem logical to you at the time, but to them, they feel real and big. You can imagine my confusion when, on our trip, my child was sobbing over the smell of the boat or panicking about whether the towels at the hotel were soft enough. But what I said was, “I know this is hard, I’m here to help you through it.” Naming their emotion and letting them know that you get it helps to acknowledge their experience without judgment, showing them you’re a safe and supportive presence.

DON’T assume they’ll love every “fun” thing.

Here’s a tough pill to swallow: just because something sounds like a blast to you doesn’t mean your child with anxiety will feel the same. You might be dying to go whale watching, but if your kid is terrified of boats, that dream may sink faster than the Titanic. Pushing them into high-stress activities they’re not ready for “because it’s fun!” can backfire, creating more tears than cherished memories.

It’s okay to notice and name your own emotions in these moments. It makes perfect sense that you might feel disappointed when a long-anticipated activity gets derailed by anxiety. Acknowledge that feeling within yourself. You can think, “It makes sense that I’m feeling a little bummed that we can’t go whale watching right now.” And then, gently remind yourself that you are still showing up, adapting, and supporting your child in taking brave steps, even if those steps look a little different than you originally imagined. This journey is about building resilience, and sometimes, that means adjusting the itinerary to meet your child where they are.

DO find joy in the little wins.

Did they try something new? Celebrate.

Did they handle a change in plans without spiraling? Double celebrate.

Even if it doesn’t look like fun at the moment, you’re planting seeds of resilience.

DON’T expect yourself to be the perfect parent just because it’s vacation.

Let’s face it: the pressure to create that “perfect” family vacation is immense, especially when you’re managing a child’s anxiety. But here’s the honest truth: vacation parenting is still parenting. It’s not a magical, effortless version of your regular gig; it’s just louder, sandier, and often more expensive. The same challenges you face at home, from meltdowns to resistance, will likely follow you to your destination, perhaps even amplified by the new environment and disrupted routines.

It’s crucial to release the expectation that you need to be a flawless, perpetually cheerful vacation guru. You’re doing hard, important work supporting your child through complex emotions in unfamiliar settings. So, if you feel yourself nearing your breaking point, know that it’s not a sign of failure. If you need a break, take one. Tag your partner in, go for a quick walk alone, or yes, eat a granola bar in the hotel bathroom while scrolling through cat videos for five glorious minutes. You deserve care and a chance to reset, too. Prioritizing your own well-being isn’t selfish; it’s essential for showing up as the best parent you can be for your child.

DO laugh when you can.

You might not be laughing during the meltdown over the smell of the cruise ship bathroom, but trust me, you will one day.

Find joy in the little moments:

That first deep breath of mountain air.
The way your child smiled when they saw a moose.
The teamwork it took to survive airport security as a family.

That’s what counts.

In the end…

Vacations with anxious kids may not look like a postcard. They may not be Instagram-perfect. But they can be meaningful and full of connection. You’re not failing when your child struggles, you’re showing up for them. You’re helping them grow, stretch, and build skills they’ll carry into the world.

So go ahead. Pack the stuffies and the extra snacks. Leave space for rest, for laughter, and for meltdowns that turn into memories. You’ve got this.

And if all else fails? There’s always ice cream.